One of the many weaknesses for the Eagles this season has been how they have performed in the red zone. A common problem for several seasons under both regimes, it seems as if this team just cannot figure out how to handler their wives’ PMS.
“She cries non-stop,” said Jon Dorenbos when asked about his wife’s PMS. “Whenever I try to long snap her out of it with a hug she tells me not to touch her. I have no clue what I’m supposed to do.”
Even the unmarried players on the team seem to be having the same issues with their girlfriends.
“I can never tackle the issue no matter how hard I try,” said linebacker Casey Matthews. “Whenever my boo is going through PMS she runs all over me!”
Even Nick Foles, who appears to be in a very loving and fresh relationship with his new wife, has admitted things get tough when Aunt Flo comes to visit.
“The pressure is too much to handle for me,” said Foles. “Whenever we enter the red zone, I usually end up throwing words out of bounce. And then she gets pissed at me!”
Since Head Coach Chip Kelly remains unmarried, because he is scared of women and rightfully so, he is unfamiliar with what his players are going through on a four-week basis.
“This is just something they have to deal with,” Kelly said. “This is their problem–period.”
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