Creator of Phalse Philly Sports Dies While Reading Crossing Broad While Crossing Broad

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The creator of Phalse Philly Sports was reported dead earlier today when he was killed crossing broad while reading the popular sports site, Crossing Broad. The ironic death was the perfect way to end a year and a half of great sports satire centered on the city of Philadelphia.

Reportedly, the creator’s last words included many thank yous to all of his readers for supporting him during his run writing for this blog. He did, however, add that he felt it was time to move onto other projects with higher ceilings.

As he was bleeding to death in the middle of the road, Phalse Philly Sport’s creator reflected on the highs of writing here. There were those times when Josh Innes mentioned the blog on his show. The best being when he and Marc Farzetta openly laughed about the silliness. Then there was the time when 975 the Fanatic host Kwame Fisher-Jones actually followed his crappy Twitter account.

All of the comments and readers were appreciated since the creation of this blog back in November of 2013. Due to his death, though, this will be the last post on this blog, possibly forever. There was not much else to gain from writing here and time would have been better spent other places to build toward a more professional writing career. It’s fun to write about fake news, but in the end you don’t win awards for being funny. You win reward for reporting facts and to do this it takes a lot of direct focus on one thing at a time.

So if he was alive, which he’s certainly not, he would say THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

He’d also want you to check out the new project he’s focusing on most, a baseball-focused blog called Innings Eaters.

Stay in touch.

94 WIP Hires White Flag to Compete in Afternoon Drive Against Mike Missanelli

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Completely clueless with the direction they’re taking the station in, the executives at 94 WIP have finally found the perfect replacement for former midday host Anthony Gargano.

The station is reportedly in serious talks with a white flag to wave from 1-6pm every day, knowing they cannot possibly compete with Mike Missanelli.

Missanelli, a former employee at 94 WIP, is best known for talking about the past and reminding everyone listening to the online stream how 975 The Fanatic never pays for the rights to any of the games. He’s also full of general knowledge, which to some may translate into having nothing new to offer anyone.

Considering 94 WIP has struggled to beat the outdated Missanelli in the ratings, the white flag might be the perfect solution.

Glen Macnow to Replace Anthony Gargano on 94 WIP

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Noticeably absent from the airwaves of 94 WIP over the last few days or weeks, I don’t know because I have a job, Anthony Gargano has officially left the station due to an apparent low-ball offer to renew his contract. In need of a replacement, the station has asked his former partner Glen Macnow to take over the mid-days with Rob Ellis.

When presented with his contract, Gargano reportedly told station management that it was “a violation” to offer him a salary as low as they did.

The current plan for 94 WIP is to rotate between Macnow and Gargano for several years without ever having a steady host in the middle of the day. They’re hoping, like they did with Howard Eskin, that there are no sour grapes and they can appease the fans by placing Gargano temporarily on the weekends in smaller doses.

There is still a good chance Gargano goes to the rival 975 The Fanatic and spends the day playing Best Of Mike Missanelli clips like everyone else is forced into doing.

Breaking News: 975 The Fanatic Host Mike Missanelli Makes Witty Pop-Culture Reference

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Today on the Mike Missanelli Show, the voice of Philadelphia radio Mike Missanelli made a witty pop-culture reference to a popular television series everyone is familiar with.

“It was fantastic!” exclaimed listener Neil Jenks. “I watch that show!”

Missanelli’s brief reference, which let us know he also watches the popular television show and knows how to speak about it, has once again solidified him as someone capable of relating to the common man and having a skill everyone does.

New listener Victoria Camilleri said upon hearing the reference, “Wow it’s like [Missanelli] is just one of my friends. He talks about the things me and my friends talk about. Who needs friends when I have Mikey Miss to listen to?”

Following the show, Missanelli also tweeted a witty pop-culture reference. He then deleted the tweet about John Ritter’s career being over, stating he had no idea that he died on the set of 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter. Missanelli has since apologized and blamed only seeing up through the episode right before Ritter died on the big screen outside XFinity Live.

True Philly Sports: A Special Thank You to Josh Innes of 94 WIP, Kwame Fisher-Jones of 975 The Fanatic, “Furrina,” and the Rest of the Philadelphia Sports Community

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When I first created Phalse Philly Sports it was because my life was droll, I was chronically failing at other endeavors, and the only girl I talked to was a cute cashier at the local corner store.

Now almost a year later I have even more free time because I have failed at every major project I attempted in the last 12 months and the cute girl dyed her hair so she looks really gross now.

Things in my life haven’t exactly “taken off” in the last year in spite of all of the effort I have put into things. I pretty much run an expanding company (the business term for this I believe is “channeling a pants tent”) and I really shouldn’t complain because I have everything I really need. But after getting my first “gig” writing beginning in July 2013, then another in January 2014, and having both fade because the website was poorly managed was a big defeat for me.

And when I lose, I’m not a sore sport.

But I do pack up my things and sulk a little bit. Unlike sports, there isn’t always another game to redeem yourself. Things are often out of our control.

I may feel especially appreciative because today is my 27th birthday. I don’t have much planned. I’ll be at work, which couldn’t be further from sports related as I work with dogs. I will most likely spend my night eating food I’ll regret putting in my mouth. A girl’s gotta watch her figure! And then I’ll receive some affection both from people who show it to me daily and others, who like this website, are just making it up.

I always had a little hope Phalse Philly Sports could gain some sort of a following. I’m not sure really how many people frequently read. Each day I get a decent amount of views, particularly during Eagles’ season. Even better is when I look at the stats and see people have specifically searched for the site. It means people are coming back. I haven’t exactly put the time or money necessary into making this a big production and quite frankly I never wanted that. The bigger you are, the harder you fall. The smaller I remain, the more I can get away with. In order to be its best, Phalse Philly Sports needs no restrictions and to really fit the stereotype of a bad blog with poor Photoshops I do in Microsoft Paint. We need to be the Sex Pistols while other great Philadelphia sports related sites can be bands that actually practice and don’t stab their girlfriends. Phalse Philly Sports is unique because it’s genuine satire at its laziest.

The first publicity, if you even want to call it that, came from WIP personality (and boy does he have it!) Josh Innes. New to Philadelphia, Innes managed to discover the site. He praised it because he gets it. Plus, who doesn’t like free publicity and knowing someone is out there watching/listening/reading your work? Innes mentioned the site several times and was even kind/desperate enough to offer an opportunity to produce a segment¬†for the show. I tried, needed some work, and didn’t really have the time to improve as I already knew it was the best I could do. I don’t have a great speaking voice and my scripted joke delivery is pretty bad. But the opportunity and the mentions on the air were still generous of him even if it didn’t lead to anything more than a few Facebook likes whenever I decided it was necessary to brag about having a miniature brush with a celebrity.

My second stint with fame and this site was from another common man, this one from the rival Philadelphia sports station over on 975 The Fanatic. Despite having more articles on here about the Eagles than anything else and the 76ers than I do the Flyers, I’m not much of a football fan and I’ve listened to/watched only about a dozen Sixers games in my life. This doesn’t stop me from switching between WIP and The Fanatic which has become a huge part of my every day life for almost 5 years. Living without cable and even without Internet for a good portion of those 5 years, listening to Philadelphia sports radio became a constant friend as sad as that may sound. By chance I had been listening to The Fanatic when I learned about their Dream Job Competition. I was certain I would win, but I didn’t qualify. Instead the winner was Kwame Fisher-Jones who is clearly more qualified than I would ever be. Unfortunately his dream job gig is at 7AM on Sundays so I have only heard him once when he had a five hour gig in the middle of the day on Sunday. If I had not known I would have thought he was on for years. He never mentioned the blog on the show, but he has retweeted numerous articles and favorited them which feels pretty nice. Plus it got me like 2-3 new followers on Twitter, most notably a man named Allen Vickers who does the same strangerly Twitter favors. Again, it’s nice to know someone else gets it.

Then there’s a mystery person that comments frequently who goes by the name Furrina. I believe Furrina lives in India and likes the Flyers which is rather amazing because even half the people in Philadelphia don’t care about hockey. I’m thankful for those comments, as well as the ones from 1jaded1, a Detroit sports fan I have known for a while from other blogging adventures. Both of their comments are always thoughtful and I know they read all 150-200 words in the articles, a rarity in the blogging community.

Finally there’s everyone else I have not mentioned. There’s everyone on WIP who actually taught me to love sports more after not following them at all for about 2 years. Then there’s The Fanatic’s crew, one I am a bit less familiar with, but enjoy whenever I give them a chance and they’re not just playing “best ofs” half of the time. Nobody else from these stations has made a direct comment or plug to the site however I have heard hints dropped by some and even if they never do know I exist, they exist and it gives me material to write about when I need to target someone with mean commentary.

I should also probably thank the athletes, general managers, owners, fans, and everyone else associated with Philadelphia sports. The majority of the articles are about you and the cartoonish caricatures I like to think you are. Ruben Amaro Jr. is completely inept, Chip Kelly only cares about being unorthodox, and Allen Iverson has never practiced a damn thing in his life. I really have no ill-will against anyone in this Philadelphia sports world except for maybe Pat Burrell and Brett Myers because they would frequently turn down my autograph requests when I was younger and were real jerks about it. I also think Michael Vick is a dishonest asshole and very happy he’s gone–although I actually live only about 10 miles from MetLife Stadium. So now you know why I’m especially bitter. I’m living in North Jersey, working in New York, and I write a daily blog about Philadelphia sports to keep to my roots.

Despite the sentimentality displayed here, please know this is not nearly the end or anything like that. In fact, I have more generic-any-time-use articles prepared than ever before on slow news days. That just happens to be my writing process and until I lose interest in Philadelphia sports there will hopefully be daily musings posted here.

My apologies for making this articles extraordinarily long. We will get back to our regularly scheduled nonsense tomorrow. I just felt the need to for once acknowledge my humane side and let anyone who happens to come here know how humbled I am to have anyone appreciate my take on one of the few constant loves in my life: Philly Sports.

Kwame Fisher-Jones Does First 4-Hour Shift on 975 The Fanatic – Kwame Brown Does First 4-Hour Shift at Burger King

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Last Sunday the 2013 Phanatic Dream Job Winner Kwame Fisher-Jones took to the airwaves in replacement of Phil “Don’t Call Me From Mount Airy” Allen for a 4-hour broadcast from 4pm-8pm. The perfect chaser after watching the Phillies get swept by the Braves, Fisher-Jones made doing radio look easy; far out-dueling just about everyone on 94 WIP weekend shifts.

Another Kwame with a Philadelphia connection also completed his first 4-hour shift when basketball LEGEND Kwame Brown arrived at his new job for the first time. Brown was recently hired by Burger King and enjoyed an error free day with only one customer complaint which was from Riley Cooper for having “those people” touch his fries. To Cooper’s credit, nobody likes first overall draft pick busts anywhere near their food.

In fact, Brown did so well at his new job that he made cooking up burgers look easy; far out-dueling just about everyone at the McDonalds down the street who works the weekend shift.

Congratulations to both Kwames for successful and memorable Sundays they will probably never forget.

The Next Philadelphia Inquirer Co-Owner Could Be You!

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975 The Fanatic is hosting a contest this summer in partnership with the Philadelphia Inquirer to find a new co-owner. After last year’s Dream Job competition received jeers for placing twins with zero chemistry and the same voice in the finals, the station had to find something else to attract listeners. Thanks to a cruel act of God, they found their solution!

Eligible participants must have no experience in the media and be willing to massage Mike Missanelli’s ego or body. All contestants must live in the Greater Philadelphia Area. Anyone living in the Not-So Great Philadelphia Area (I’m talking to you Kensington) will not be able to participate.

Kwame Fisher-Jones, the winner of last year’s Dream Job competition, is also ineligible to participate as it has been established that he is nothing more than an artificially intelligent hologram. However twins are encouraged to submit and will probably go far in the competition as are other freaks of nature (Cyclops, Lobster Boys, etc.)

To enter all contestants must submit a 3-5 minute rant on why they hate wearing pants and guess a number between 1 and 100. Those closest to the selected number whom clearly hates pants will advance to the final round which will then be determined through a series of obstacle courses and Mike Mamula trivia questions.

Best of luck to all contestants!