True Philly Sports


When I first created Phalse Philly Sports it was because my life was droll, I was chronically failing at other endeavors, and the only girl I talked to was a cute cashier at the local corner store.

Now almost a year later I have even more free time because I have failed at every major project I attempted in the last 12 months and the cute girl dyed her hair so she looks really gross now.

Things in my life haven’t exactly “taken off” in the last year in spite of all of the effort I have put into things. I pretty much run an expanding company (the business term for this I believe is “channeling a pants tent”) and I really shouldn’t complain because I have everything I really need. But after getting my first “gig” writing beginning in July 2013, then another in January 2014, and having both fade because the website was poorly managed was a big defeat for me.

And when I lose, I’m not a sore sport.

But I do pack up my things and sulk a little bit. Unlike sports, there isn’t always another game to redeem yourself. Things are often out of our control.

I may feel especially appreciative because today is my 27th birthday. I don’t have much planned. I’ll be at work, which couldn’t be further from sports related as I work with dogs. I will most likely spend my night eating food I’ll regret putting in my mouth. A girl’s gotta watch her figure! And then I’ll receive some affection both from people who show it to me daily and others, who like this website, are just making it up.

I always had a little hope Phalse Philly Sports could gain some sort of a following. I’m not sure really how many people frequently read. Each day I get a decent amount of views, particularly during Eagles’ season. Even better is when I look at the stats and see people have specifically searched for the site. It means people are coming back. I haven’t exactly put the time or money necessary into making this a big production and quite frankly I never wanted that. The bigger you are, the harder you fall. The smaller I remain, the more I can get away with. In order to be its best, Phalse Philly Sports needs no restrictions and to really fit the stereotype of a bad blog with poor Photoshops I do in Microsoft Paint. We need to be the Sex Pistols while other great Philadelphia sports related sites can be bands that actually practice and don’t stab their girlfriends. Phalse Philly Sports is unique because it’s genuine satire at its laziest.

The first publicity, if you even want to call it that, came from WIP personality (and boy does he have it!) Josh Innes. New to Philadelphia, Innes managed to discover the site. He praised it because he gets it. Plus, who doesn’t like free publicity and knowing someone is out there watching/listening/reading your work? Innes mentioned the site several times and was even kind/desperate enough to offer an opportunity to produce a segment for the show. I tried, needed some work, and didn’t really have the time to improve as I already knew it was the best I could do. I don’t have a great speaking voice and my scripted joke delivery is pretty bad. But the opportunity and the mentions on the air were still generous of him even if it didn’t lead to anything more than a few Facebook likes whenever I decided it was necessary to brag about having a miniature brush with a celebrity.

My second stint with fame and this site was from another common man, this one from the rival Philadelphia sports station over on 975 The Fanatic. Despite having more articles on here about the Eagles than anything else and the 76ers than I do the Flyers, I’m not much of a football fan and I’ve listened to/watched only about a dozen Sixers games in my life. This doesn’t stop me from switching between WIP and The Fanatic which has become a huge part of my every day life for almost 5 years. Living without cable and even without Internet for a good portion of those 5 years, listening to Philadelphia sports radio became a constant friend as sad as that may sound. By chance I had been listening to The Fanatic when I learned about their Dream Job Competition. I was certain I would win, but I didn’t qualify. Instead the winner was Kwame Fisher-Jones who is clearly more qualified than I would ever be. Unfortunately his dream job gig is at 7AM on Sundays so I have only heard him once when he had a five hour gig in the middle of the day on Sunday. If I had not known I would have thought he was on for years. He never mentioned the blog on the show, but he has retweeted numerous articles and favorited them which feels pretty nice. Plus it got me like 2-3 new followers on Twitter, most notably a man named Allen Vickers who does the same strangerly Twitter favors. Again, it’s nice to know someone else gets it.

Then there’s a mystery person that comments frequently who goes by the name Furrina. I believe Furrina lives in India and likes the Flyers which is rather amazing because even half the people in Philadelphia don’t care about hockey. I’m thankful for those comments, as well as the ones from 1jaded1, a Detroit sports fan I have known for a while from other blogging adventures. Both of their comments are always thoughtful and I know they read all 150-200 words in the articles, a rarity in the blogging community.

Finally there’s everyone else I have not mentioned. There’s everyone on WIP who actually taught me to love sports more after not following them at all for about 2 years. Then there’s The Fanatic’s crew, one I am a bit less familiar with, but enjoy whenever I give them a chance and they’re not just playing “best ofs” half of the time. Nobody else from these stations has made a direct comment or plug to the site however I have heard hints dropped by some and even if they never do know I exist, they exist and it gives me material to write about when I need to target someone with mean commentary.

I should also probably thank the athletes, general managers, owners, fans, and everyone else associated with Philadelphia sports. The majority of the articles are about you and the cartoonish caricatures I like to think you are. Ruben Amaro Jr. is completely inept, Chip Kelly only cares about being unorthodox, and Allen Iverson has never practiced a damn thing in his life. I really have no ill-will against anyone in this Philadelphia sports world except for maybe Pat Burrell and Brett Myers because they would frequently turn down my autograph requests when I was younger and were real jerks about it. I also think Michael Vick is a dishonest asshole and very happy he’s gone–although I actually live only about 10 miles from MetLife Stadium. So now you know why I’m especially bitter. I’m living in North Jersey, working in New York, and I write a daily blog about Philadelphia sports to keep to my roots.

Despite the sentimentality displayed here, please know this is not nearly the end or anything like that. In fact, I have more generic-any-time-use articles prepared than ever before on slow news days. That just happens to be my writing process and until I lose interest in Philadelphia sports there will hopefully be daily musings posted here.

My apologies for making this articles extraordinarily long. We will get back to our regularly scheduled nonsense tomorrow. I just felt the need to for once acknowledge my humane side and let anyone who happens to come here know how humbled I am to have anyone appreciate my take on one of the few constant loves in my life: Philly Sports.


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