The creator of Phalse Philly Sports was reported dead earlier today when he was killed crossing broad while reading the popular sports site, Crossing Broad. The ironic death was the perfect way to end a year and a half of great sports satire centered on the city of Philadelphia.
Reportedly, the creator’s last words included many thank yous to all of his readers for supporting him during his run writing for this blog. He did, however, add that he felt it was time to move onto other projects with higher ceilings.
As he was bleeding to death in the middle of the road, Phalse Philly Sport’s creator reflected on the highs of writing here. There were those times when Josh Innes mentioned the blog on his show. The best being when he and Marc Farzetta openly laughed about the silliness. Then there was the time when 975 the Fanatic host Kwame Fisher-Jones actually followed his crappy Twitter account.
All of the comments and readers were appreciated since the creation of this blog back in November of 2013. Due to his death, though, this will be the last post on this blog, possibly forever. There was not much else to gain from writing here and time would have been better spent other places to build toward a more professional writing career. It’s fun to write about fake news, but in the end you don’t win awards for being funny. You win reward for reporting facts and to do this it takes a lot of direct focus on one thing at a time.
So if he was alive, which he’s certainly not, he would say THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
He’d also want you to check out the new project he’s focusing on most, a baseball-focused blog called Innings Eaters.
Stay in touch.
A shit gift from a friend to look up his family tree at incestry.com – popular among southerners – 94 WIP operations manager Andy Bloom discovered famed traitor Benedict Arnold in his bloodline.
“I’m shocked,” said Bloom. “I’m incredibly loyal. How could I be related to the most famous treason committererererer in history?”
Bloom apparently made the discovery shortly after naming Josh Innes and Tony Bruno the new afternoon while passing up on Glen Macnow, Anthony Gargano, Rob Ellis, Rob Charry, Paul Jolovitz, Ike Reese, Hollis Thomas, Reuben Frank, Marc Farzetta, Brian Haddad, and everyone else who works at the station for the position.
“All partnerships need a clear Batman and a Robin,” said 94 WIP host Paul Jolovitz during a recent show. “These guys don’t have the distinction between them and it’s going to hold them back.”
Jolovitz, a veteran of everything sports and short term weight loss plans, listened to the first few broadcast of the Innes and Bruno show starring Josh Innes and Tony Bruno. In spite of favorable reviews of their content, Jolovitz was unsatisfied with the pairing and how neither represents Batman better.
“Take a look at duos in history,” demanded Jolovitz in such a way to imply the callers are stupid for not wanting to talk about the topic he wants to talk about. “We always knew who was Batman and who was Robin. There’s nothing wrong with being a Robin. In fact, Batman wouldn’t be as strong without his Boy Wonder.”
Jolovitz continued, “Innes and Bruno are both used to being Batmans but we can’t have two Batmans without at least three Robins. It doesn’t make any logic sense to have the pairing of two natural Batmen without a Robin there to do Robin things when they do Batman work.”
Making a clear point, Jolovitz will discuss further the next time no one else is available for the weekend slot.
In his evil plot to destroy former 94 WIP host Anthony Gargano, current 94 WIP host Josh Innes has once again deployed a massive wave of pain against the former coworker.
According to those with knowledge of the story, Innes was behind the most recent firing of Gargano from CVS Pharmacy.
Gargano had been working at CVS following his departure from CBS. A misunderstanding led Gargano to sign with the pharmacy as a sales clerk where he has worked at for the last month.
According to Gargano, the job was “going well” and “had far less dumb trade proposals that working at WIP.” Only when a customer, Innes, showed up was there ever a problem.
Gargano reportedly called a violation on Innes. Innes was buying some testosterone supplements which he claims were labeled “4 for $4.”
“It was clearly not labeled 4 for $4,” argued Gargano via his attorney. “I know 4 for $4 and it’s not Innes.”
A scene ensued where words were thrown around and feelings were hurt. Gargano was fired from his job and once again joins the unemployment line.
Veteran 94 WIP team member with a very low emphasis on team even though he’s the union guy and should support everyone, Rob Charry, took to the air last weekend to talk about extraterrestrials and their possible existence. Charry firmly believes aliens do not exist as there’d be more tangible proof if they indeed did.
Also a topic of discussion was fellow workmate Josh Innes. Despite a lot of evidence – like pictures, audio, and a social security number – Charry does not believe Innes is real.
“They tried this with Bigfoot before,” argued Charry while writing an update with nothing added to it from three hours earlier but acting like he was stressed about it. “You really expect me to believe Innes is real? It’s a man in a suit.”
DNA samples from several of Innes’ appearances have failed to actually prove he exists since current tests require some sort of testosterone.
“I’m real,” said Innes while standing right next to Charry to which he responded by completely ignoring him then humming lyrics to his favorite Indigo Girls’ song.
According to the best darn update man on the station, Rob Charry, the weekdays on 94 WIP will now feature veteran sports talk host Tony Bruno and newcomer Los Lonely Boys.
Few were familiar Los Lonely Boys had an impact at 94 WIP at all until Rob Charry’s year in review where it was revealed at the end just how imperative they were to running the station in 2014. Now in an upgraded role, the Texas-based Chicano band will be talking sports on your drive home weekdays from 1-6pm.
“I’m very excited to work with Los Lonely Boys,” said Bruno. “I’m hoping I can help them find out how far away heaven is because they seem really curious about it.”
Meanwhile, police are investigating the disappearance of former nighttime host Josh Innes. Absent from the year in review Charry made, there has yet to be any new news on where he went or if he ever even existed in the first place.
An expert on the topic of superhero duos if there ever was one, WIP Personality Paul Jolovitz recently reviewed the classic comic book movie Batman and Robin.
“Batman was nothing before Robin,” said Jolovitz. “I do however think by the end of the film Robin was more Batman and Batman was more Robin. I still think Batman was more Batman than he was Robin and Robin was more Robin than he was Batman. I don’t think they could have won if they were both Robins. I also know for sure it would not have worked if Batman was Batman and Robin was Batman. Their egos would have been too big. All Batmans need a Robin and this was what made them work well as a team.”
Jolovitz’s two-hour review of the film continued throughout his show. He gave out 2400 Jolly Points to one caller for correctly identifying the actors who played Batman and Robin in the film, but other than that Jolly seemed very disappointed with the low response rate to his film review from the callers.
“Nobody wants to talk about Batman and Robin?” angrily asked Jolovitz during the show’s third hour. “This classic movie, nobody wants to even acknowledge it? Fine we’ll just talk about the Eagles. I guess we don’t care about great cinematography or art. We’ll talk about what you guys want to talk about then.”
Those within the Paul Jolovitz camp have claimed Jolly plans on doing more movie reviews. Next time he will tackle Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid while trying to figure out which one was the Batman and which was the Robin.