Philadelphia Relocates to Oregon Per Request of Chip Kelly

philadelphia

In his first season as the Boss Applesauce, Eagles head coach Chip Kelly is cleaning house and making so many changes it’ll actually be worth buying a new program in 2015. One of his more drastic maneuvers was relocating the city of Philadelphia from Pennsylvania to Oregon.

“Cities are always moving states,” said Kelly with no facts to back up the statement. “I’m not sure why this is a big deal.”

Kelly’s love of all things Oregon comes from his hatred of pumping his own gas and love of the film Goonies. After coaching at Oregon for a lit shorter than he makes it seem, Kelly remains absolutely fascinated with the nation’s 40-48th state; somewhere in there.

Philadelphians need not worry as geographically they’ll remain where they are. The move is more conditional than logical and won’t change your life at all except you’re going to have lower life ambitions like the rest of Oregon’s residents.

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8 thoughts on “Philadelphia Relocates to Oregon Per Request of Chip Kelly

  1. But… I thought Chip Kelly traded himself. Did he trade himself to Oregon? Also why is a city named after a spice. Is it as useless and overrated as Oregano?

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