Local Youth Let Down by Father and Eagles’ Defense in Same Day


Local youth Charles Palmer was let down today by both his deadbeat father Troy Palmer and the Philadelphia Eagles’ defense today.

According to Charles’ mother Deanna, Charles had hoped to spend the morning fishing with his father before returning home to watch another Eagles victory. Troy failed to show up for the fishing so it was up to the local football team to bring some cheer to this what the cool kids at school call “oddly shaped and retarded” kid.

“I really thought they were going to pull it off,” said Charles. “The Arizona Cardinals were so deep in their own zone. Then the defense broke down like another promise from my daddy.”

Indeed as Charles said, the defense for the Eagles blew the game late. They appeared eerily similar to that of playing Madden. The defense would randomly jump or dive too early, leaving them totally fucked when it came to stopping a 75+ yard touchdown pass. The only difference was instead of throwing a controller, we are left throwing ourselves in front of a bus.

The loss for the Eagles puts them at 5-2 on the season. The loss of hope for young Charles has led him down what will most likely be a destructive path of wearing lots of black and discovering some pretty damn good music.


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