A common practice among many hobbyists is to mail their favorite athletes memorabilia to get signed. At spring training, Cliff Lee was excited to respond to fan mail when he opened a package containing something he had never gotten outside of shitty Hanukkah gifts from Jewish friends, clipped fingernails.
A polite letter also included, the fan asked Lee if he could sign the fingernails. Lee refused.
“How am I even supposed to put ink on something as thin as a fingernail?” Lee yelled out rhetorically while flipping over a table.
The fingernails were said to be “average size” and only one of them contained “semen” remnants.
Lee prides himself on responding to as much fan mail as he can before he gets sick of it after an hour. However, these fingernails may stop him from being so quick to give the fans what they want, acknowledgment that they exist.
“I’ve got a lot of ridiculous things in the mail over the years,” Lee said. “Baseball cards of the wrong person. Jerseys for teams I never played for. A letter from Ruben Amaro Jr. saying I was traded to the Seattle Mariners for three scrubs. Never have I gotten something so tiny yet so sharp and fun to break.”
Many autograph collectors have already blogged about Lee’s dismissal to sign for the fan who went out of their way to include a self-addressed stamped envelope. They argue for the amount Lee is paid, he should do whatever he can to give back to the fans, even at the expense of contracting some weird disease.
So far no one has come forward as the sender. Lee has decided to keep their name private as he may plan to mail them some pubic hair in return.
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