Breaking News: Eagles to Sign Al Gore’s Brother, Frank Gore to Replace LeSean McCoy

A team without a running back, the Eagles will officially sign free agent Frank Gore on Tuesday. Gore is the brother of former Vice President Al Gore who terrified us with lies about how the world would end by 2013 due to how much electricity we use.

The news of Gore’s signing was first reported on the Internet, an invention of his brother.

“We’re all very excited for Frank,” said Gore’s sister-in-law, Tipper. “The Eagles should be thankful for having someone like him ready to run with the ball.”

Indeed, the Eagles are thankful for being able to trade away a franchise player then days later sign his replacement. Gore will come to the Eagles after spending 10 seasons in the environmentally friendly city of San Francisco. It’ll be quite an adjustment for Gore coming to the Eagles, as Philadelphia has a pollution problem so bad they elected a bag of trash as its mayor.

Eagles’ Deer Fence Helpful and Hurtful Against San Francisco 49ers

Breakdowns leaving an opening that allowed Frank Gore to score easily, absent when they needed to stop Colin Kaepernick most, and overall difficult to look at; the Eagles’ deer fence was both helpful and hurtful in today’s game against the San Francisco 49ers.

The deer fence, replacing the team’s abysmal defense this season, has been a drastic improvement from what they used to put on the field. Not a single deer has gotten past them this season and it was a big reason why the team got off to a 3-0 start. However today was the best example of how the deer fence can be both helpful and hurtful.

Beginning with a blocked punt early in the game leading to a touchdown and a pick-six in the second quarter, the deer fence looked to be making up for all it had done wrong. Built primarily to stop deer from getting through, the deer fence did what it was designed to. Even one particularly annoying Buck named Joe was unable to ruin the game with his low energy and hate for Philadelphia.

ENDING 1 – IF THE EAGLES LOST

The game was close throughout and ultimately ended with the Eagles coming up short. The coaching staff will have to reassess the deer fence’s strategy for next week and maybe go wider or taller.

ENDING 2 – IF THE EAGLES WON

The game was close throughout and ultimately ended with the Eagles narrowly beating out the 49ers. The biggest reason for the victory might be the poor use of timeouts by San Francisco Head Coach Jim Harbaugh. As you may have heard elsewhere, Harbaugh is possessed by Andy Reid and possesses his time management abilities.