Steve Mason Blames the Brightness of Backup Goalie Ray Emery for His Slow Start

Sometimes a headline with a picture is all that’s needed and allowed by society. This is one of those moments.

Popular 1970s Toy Lite-Brite Blamed for Steve Mason’s Bad Start

Don’t blame the huge contract or a curse on the position. The real reason why Flyers’ goalie Steve Mason has been sucking is because of the amount of fans showing up to games with the popular 1970s toy Lite-Brite.

As you may or may not remember, the 1970s were a trippy time after all, Lite-Brite was a simple child’s game involving colorful pegs being placed on a board to create a unique image or swear word. It was basically paint by number but with more choking hazards.

The toy eventually lost popularity as it was often blamed for teenage violence. Now that we have video games to scapegoat, Lite-Brite is making a comeback and Mason for one is not pleased.

“I can appreciate a good game when I see one,” said Mason. “I’m also very aware of when and where a game like Lite-Brite should be played. A hockey game just isn’t one of those.”

Currently the Flyers have an open policy on other forms of entertainment allowed into the arena. This policy is due to the fact that Flyers games this year have been pretty boring and not worth watching. Allowing fans to bring in board games ensures a sellout each night.

“If we tell the fans they can’t bring Lite-Brite to the games they may riot,” said Head Coach Craig Berube. “It will be up to [Mason] to adjust and adapt to the colorful lights and to stop making lame excuses.”

Steve Mason Blames Bright Rainbow Appearing Over Center Ice for His Poor Goals Against Average

The goals continue to pile up against the Flyers and Steve Mason and a new excuse has emerged.

“There was a rainbow over center ice last night,” claimed Mason. “Its many shades and bright colors made it impossible to see the puck out there.”

Unfortunately for Mason, nobody else seemed distracted or even noticed a rainbow occurring indoors. According to rainbow expert, some gay guy, this would have been the first time a rainbow occurred naturally under a roof.

Questioning his sanity and ability to see, Mason will be meeting with a visual specialist to work things out. If he still insists that the laws of nature were broken and there was a rainbow indoors then the team plans to sell him to an Eastern European team where he will never be heard from again.

Bright Lightning Bugs Blamed for Steve Mason’s Struggles This Season

Flyers’ goaltender Steve Mason has finally addressed the root cause of his poor play this season: the bright lightning bugs that are infesting the Wachovia Center.

A promotion that seemed harmless, where fans are invited to release dozens of the bugs during the pre-game warm-up to connect closer with nature, has turned Mason’s season on its head. Not turning on its head is Mason himself to stop the puck as he has looked stiffer than an 8 inch cock in net.

“The problem doesn’t seem to be the pre-game ritual,” said Mason. “The problem is nobody ever kills these things after being released. You think those are fans showing up to pay $80 for seats in the back row? The upper deck is filled with lightning bugs and it’s hurting my eyes.”

The Flyers have already called in an exterminator to help Mason with his lightning bug woes. They should arrive today sometime between 10-3.

In the meantime, Mason will play goal with a pair of sunglasses. The Flyers insist this is not to make him look cooler, rather to help protect his overly sensitive eyes from not being able to do his job.