Upright Citizens Brigade Paying Performers with New York Knicks’ Tickets


Just two years ago, Upright Citizens Brigade Theater was mauled by the public for not paying its performers in cash. As they explained, working like a slave in front of shitty sensitive hipster audiences was payment enough.

In 2015 things are worse as several improv artists (lazy writing comedians) have blogged about receiving payment in the form of New York Knicks tickets.

Watching the Knicks play might be the only thing in sports more painful than a 76ers game. The difference is, the Knicks have superstar Carmel Tony while the Sixers are actively cold calling people at random asking if they’d like to play.

“It’s not right,” said performer Francesca Stanton in what appeared to be an unprepared statement in true improvisational form. “I would rather sleep my way to the top in the comedy industry than attend a single Knicks’ game.”

Stanton is currently booked for a European tour along with her overused vagina.

It doesn’t appear like things will change anytime soon for UCB and its tactful methods of subtle slave labor. Performers are not required to accept the Knicks tickets, but in this blame the economy for everything time we live in, they need to think of the economy.


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