A team without a running back, the Eagles will officially sign free agent Frank Gore on Tuesday. Gore is the brother of former Vice President Al Gore who terrified us with lies about how the world would end by 2013 due to how much electricity we use.
The news of Gore’s signing was first reported on the Internet, an invention of his brother.
“We’re all very excited for Frank,” said Gore’s sister-in-law, Tipper. “The Eagles should be thankful for having someone like him ready to run with the ball.”
Indeed, the Eagles are thankful for being able to trade away a franchise player then days later sign his replacement. Gore will come to the Eagles after spending 10 seasons in the environmentally friendly city of San Francisco. It’ll be quite an adjustment for Gore coming to the Eagles, as Philadelphia has a pollution problem so bad they elected a bag of trash as its mayor.