Change is coming for the Phillies. Once a franchise that scouted poorly on the international level, the team is quickly swooping in and grabbing one country by the balls. This country is unfortunately Vatican City.
A population barely exceeding the attendance at a minor league game, Vatican City has never produced a professional baseball player. This is either because of the loyal dedication to the Pope or due to the fact that one side of the country to the other is shorter than home plate to second base. Even having a baseball field in the country is a physical impossibility. In fact, the small size of the country is the same reason why the Pope never masturbates. He simply cannot find any privacy!
“We are looking for a diamond in the rough,” said Pat Gillick, whose job title is old man with recognizable name. “If teams are finding talent in places like Panama and New Jersey then surely there’s a chance someone from Vatican City can play ball.”