If the Eagles can’t get Marcus Mariota, the next best option might be the runny nose of first grader Alex Hallowell whose recent cold has given him a dribble of snot that would look ideal in the proposed Chip Kelly Offense.
“For a Chip Kelly Offense to run efficiently, Chip Kelly needs a running quarterback,” said Chip Kelly.
At the NFL combine, the snot ran out of little Alex’s nose at a 4.2 rate. This is faster than most quarterbacks which is why the Eagles are favoring the boogery nose over Nick Foles or Mark Sanchez.
When asked how it feels to have his cold considered for starting Eagles QB, little Alex told reports, “I like coloring. Blue is favorite.”
Finally, the Eagles have some intelligence behind center.