Rumors have circulated about an alleged video of Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant doing something far worse than what we saw on the tape of Ray Rice helping his fiance nap. The video was released today and revealed that Bryant was once beaten on a play by Eagles cornerback Bradley Fletcher. Needless to say, people are completely flabbergasted.
“I’ve never felt so betrayed,” said Bryant, who believed nobody had noticed his lapse on skills. “I’m embarrassed, too. I shouldn’t have let this happen.”
Thanks to the power of the internet and Bryant’s inability to make friends with the necessary people, the NFL star is facing the most extreme penalty available: getting made fun of on a blog.
Already several blogs as well as online forums have sent out insults directed and Bryant and his mishap. Bryant has decided – by direction of a public relations director – to fast from social media to prevent himself from feeling too bad about himself.
Bryant faces a possible suspension by the Cowboys for being a giant pussy who can’t catch every pass thrown to him while Bradley Fletcher is the cover man. As Eagles fans learned last year, Fletcher can’t even get coverage on Obamacare and you’re forced to have that shit.
Bryant issued a half-assed apology through a series of farts recorded on an old Home Alone Talkboy.