Sam Hinkie Threatens First Born Sons of Sixers’ Players if Winning Continues

sam hinkie first born

Sixers general manager Sam Hinkie is not very happy with his team. Since reaching double digit wins, the 76ers look less like chumps and more like chimps – the purgatory between chumps and champs.

The drastically higher than expected win total for the Sixers has Hinkie so upset he is now threatening the lives of everyone on the team’s first born sons.

“I need to send a heavy message,” said Hinkie. “What we’re doing is for the big picture. We cannot win if we keep winning. It makes complete sense!”

Players on the roster are upset with Hinkie’s threats. Michael Carter-Williams is planning to boycott missed shots and Nerlens Noel is going to play defense in protest.

“He hasn’t done anything yet,” said Hollis Thompson. “But none of our first born sons are safe. It’s a good thing most of us have never met them or else we’d be really upset about what’s transpiring.”


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