Absent from the Flyers this season has been veteran defenseman Kimmo Timonen. Due to a blood clot in his leg and lungs, Timonen was advised to avoid all hockey activities. Apparently, the doctor’s orders were also given to Matt Read and several other members of the roster.
Timonen was officially cleared to return to the ice to set up for a perfect untimely and easily avoidable death which could occur from even the smallest of cuts.
“I want to die with my skates on,” said Timonen. “Even if it means going out in a bloody blaze of glory that horrifies children and makes highlight reels, it’s what I want.”
Although he’s skating again, Timonen still needs preparation time until he actually plays in a game. Like most of the other defenseman on the Flyers, he’ll practice looking dumbfounded as a forward from the other team passes him then puts the puck in the net.