Chip Kelly Reliving College Days by Obsessing over Marcus Mariota

Stanford v Oregon

Reports from credible sources and credible horses indicate the Eagles are “all in” when it comes to moving up in the draft to pick Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota.

The Eagles currently have the 20th pick in the draft and several mocks point toward them wiping their ass with it like usual. This year, they may go a lot further and cause a little rectal bleeding.

There’s no telling how high the Eagles will have to go to get Chip Kelly’s golden boy, Mariota. The Heismam and Hymen Trophy (an award given out to the best player not accused of rape) winning QB failed to defeat Ohio State in the biggest game of his career so there is a possibility his value has slightly decreased. The Eagles will be on the lookout for a WalMart rollback smiley face on his jersey.

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