If your dream was to ever play professional basketball, you may have just missed out.
Sixers star Michael Carter-Williams tried committing suicide late last night following an online search of the current NBA standings. Distraught at what he saw, MCW headed to the basement to blow his head off.
“Sometimes the ones among us who smile the most are usually the most depressed,” said teammate Jason Richardson. “I never smile and I’m happy as a clam. Look how much they’re paying me!”
Fortunately for the Sixers, MCW is such a bad shot that even at point-blank range he was unable to successfully blow his brains out. Investigators say the bullet hit off the backboard and was then recovered by the opposing team.
Carter-Williams is listed as questionable for the indefinite future, which has less to do with his mental state and more with how unproductive he actually is when it comes to hitting baskets.