Phillies May Platoon Ryan Howard – Leave Him in the Jungle Like Willem Dafoe

Platoon

Unable to even guilt someone into taking him, the Phillies may have found a solution for Ryan Howard.

According to Smug Asshole of the Jerkoff Gazette, the Phillies are planning a platoon situation for Howard. Unlike most platoons in baseball which involve splitting time at a position, this one is involves leaving Howard in the jungle to die just like Willem Dafoe’s character Sergeant Elias in the movie Platoon.

Actor Tom Berenger, the man whose character was responsible for Dafoe’s charcater’s death, was contacted by the team to help.

“I’m not sure what the Phillies think I can do,” said Berenger. “I haven’t followed baseball since I was in ‘Major League 2: Not as Good as the First.'”

No help from Berenger, the Phillies may need an alternative. Platooning a player is no easy task and can lead to some seriously hurt feelings. Thankfully when done right, those hurt most are dead and you don’t have to deal with them anymore.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s