Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones rarely leaves the spotlight. Most of this is due to the fact that his night vision is terrible and he needs a heavy spotlight to see the college girl he’s fondling.
Stepping into the spotlight today, Jones announced immediate renovations to the AT&T Stadium – the abomination of a home for the Cowboys – which will allow New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to fit more comfortably inside.
“He’s our good luck charm,” said Jones about Christie. “Like a lucky piece of bacon or an extra snug pair of sweatpants at the big and tall store, I respect Christie and what he brings to the team. It’s important that we make the proper renovations to accommodate his enormous size better..”
Renovations are rumored to cost a hefty some. Done for a hefty man, young Cowboys fans are learning about irony quickly.
Until construction ends, Christie will circle the stadium with a Goodyear logo on his back.