Following a 10-6 season without a postseason, Eagles coach Chip Kelly has decided to stop behaving like a genius and instead turn to Guinness. The bitter porter from Ireland, Guinness is incredibly popular among people who drink because they hate themselves.
When asked why he was drowning his sorrows in a pint of imported beer, Kelly slurred then fell over. The sight and sound were reportedly very uncomfortable, however, still more appealing to the senses than an Andy Reid press conference filled with huffing and puffing throughout.
No word yet on how far Kelly will take his alcoholism, although if his season is any indication, he won’t take it very far and will ultimately end it with a collapse.