Soccer aficionado and Philadelphia Union fan Steve Reyes showed up to PPL Park last night for a match between his favorite soccer team and whomever their opponent was. After sitting in the stands for close to 2 hours, Reyes finally realized there was no game going on and he was sitting in an empty arena.
“The action on the field didn’t seem any different from when I saw the Union before,” explained Reyes. “The scoreboard read 0-0 so I figured this was nothing more than a tight match; not an empty stadium.”
It was only when Reyes realized you was not annoyed with anyone around that he came to the conclusion there was no soccer match taking place.
“Soccer fans, I love ’em, can be a bit invasive with space,” said Reyes. “They high-five and touch you in celebration. With Ebola out there and people with poopy hands in general this is not something I enjoy. I go to soccer games for the non-stop action and lack of appropriate times to use the bathroom.”
Since this is a bit outlandish, for a man to not know the difference between a soccer game and a vacant field, Reyes was tested by police for intoxication. The result came back that the only thing he was under the influence of was liking an awful sport too much.
Reyes was then easily beaten by the police.