Ruben Amaro Jr. and the Phillies are wasting no time at rebuilding the bullpen. Today they added a new arm. Unfortunately the arm had no torso attached to it.
“We don’t see how the lack of a body or soul will affect the arm’s pitching abilities,” said Amaro Jr. in a slightly confused voice. He then looked around as the rest of his staff nodded and agreed with everything he said.
Moves like this are nothing new for the Phillies. They have proven in the past that they value skills over actual overall ability. The most recent example of this was the signing of center fielder Ben Revere who at the time was literally just a pair of legs. Similarly, the team had Michael Martinez on the roster for several years. As we remember, Martinez was nothing but a man’s taint.
Important things to know about the arm are that it is right-handed and has a tattoo with Chinese lettering on it. Whether the arm ever belonged to anyone is a mystery. It has a farmer’s tan so it is safe to assume the arm will get along well with Jonathan Papelbon and his backwoods beliefs.