Tonight the Philadelphia Eagles will host the NFC east rival Dallas Cowboys despite Dallas being nowhere near the eastern part of the country.
After bludgeoning the Cowboys in Dallas on Thanksgiving, the Eagles get their turn to host in Philadelphia. A sure sign of just how gruesome this rivalry has become, the eagles have made it clear that they have no intention on using the good China.
“We hate the Cowboys so much they’ll be lucky if they get a salad fork for their salad,” said Mychal Kendricks. “If it’s up to me, they’ll be eating it with a spork and will get only one serving of dressing.”
In preparation for the big match=up this Sunday night, the Eagles have bought paper products instead of the fancy kind that needs washing. Beverages will be served in red party cups and dinner will be eaten off of those really cheap paper plates where you need two in order to avoid the potato chip grease from coming out the other side.
“Our goal is to make it hell for the Cowboys at game time,” said Trent Cole. “The whole team has boring stories to share with the Cowboys throughout the night about things like vacations and dreams they had. Cody Parky has a really bad four-hour story about kicking things.”
Playing the Cowboys at home, the Eagles have the advantage. They will know simple things like which plays to call and where the bathroom is without having to ask.