Ryan Howard Signs Ankle Splint Deal with Nike

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He may not be in his prime and his statistics may be down more than you when you look at your ex’s Facebook page and realize they haven’t gotten too fat, but there is some positive coming in the life of Ryan Howard.

A deal with Nike for Howard to help promote a new ankle splint was signed earlier this week.

“We had no other choice than Howard,” said a spokesperson for Nike. “We can’t recall anyone ever having such weak heels. He was born for this needless promotion that will give him even more money to expand his gigantic home.”

The target demographic for the ankle splint are the elderly and other members of the Philadelphia Phillies, which ironically are the same two groups of people. Nike expects the splint to hit stores sometime this winter unless the stores are left-handed because nothing involving Howard can hit anything that throws from the left side.

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