The best trade piece the Phillies had at their disposal has been moved as they announced earlier today Cole Hamels would be leaving Philadelphia. Instead of going to the Boston Red Sox or Los Angeles Dodgers, Hamels will be going to the Disney Channel in exchange for blonde twin Cole Sprouse.
“This is an exciting transition for me and I’m thankful for the time I spent in Philadelphia,” said Hamels. “A new chapter is beginning though and I’m ready for the challenge.”
Hamels will begin talks with the Disney Channel as to what role he will have with them. The rumor is it will involve some scenario where he gets into mischief and possibly has to wear a wig. Hamels hopes his career can really take off once he has an off-screen drug addiction develop.
The newest member of the Phillies, Sprouse, is not as happy about the trade as Hamels appears to be. Sprouse is already being a brat and demanding the Phillies sign his brother Dylan or else he will not pitch for them in 2015. The Phillies have already appealed to Major League Baseball and inquired whether they have to pay them separately or if they can do the old gag of having two twins play one role. If they can convince the MLB that the Sprouses should share pitching duties it will clear up some room to make a more significant signing.