Eagles’ Thanksgiving Day Game Puts Roadblock in Closeted Gay Man’s Plans to Come Out

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Local closeted homosexual Sean Fitzsimmons may have to rethink his plans to come out to his family this Thanksgiving as the Eagles will be playing the Dallas Cowboys that same day. Fitzsimmons had planned on letting his conservative family know he likes cock sometime between dinner and dessert however based on how the Eagles play today will determine if he takes the risk.

Although Fitzsimmons has had a lisp all of his life and everyone pretty much knows he’s gay because of subtle hints he has dropped throughout his life, the young flight attendant feels he would like to make things official with his family.

Traditionally, Thanksgiving has been the day to do this ever since the white man eliminated the indigenous people from the continent. It is the one time of the year everyone is together and can disappoint your entire family all at once face-to-face instead of scattering it throughout the year.

The right move for Fitzsimmons might be to wait until after the game. With that said, should he ruin a win? Should he make a loss feel even worse?

A conundrum if there ever was one, Fitzsimmons may have to wait until Ramadan begins to let everyone know what they already pretend to not notice.


2 thoughts on “Eagles’ Thanksgiving Day Game Puts Roadblock in Closeted Gay Man’s Plans to Come Out

  1. I say, he should just go for it. After all, as the great philosopher Homer Simpson, “it’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how drunk you get”… and you can NOT find a better reason to get drunk.

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