After preparing all week to face Ronnie “Sunshine” Bass behind center for the Titans today, the Eagles will have to rethink how their strategy.
Titans’ coach Herman Boone announced that Sunshine would be placed on IR following a prolapsed asshole suffered during a Tinder date.
“This is a big loss for us, but we have faith in our teamwork,” said Boone. “And isn’t that what this story was all about?”
The news was a bit upsetting as it comes only weeks after linebacker Gerry Bertier was killed in a car accident while driving under the influence of racial tolerance.
“We’re going through some tough times right now,” said running back Petey Jones. “It will be up to the rest of the team to pick up some slack to get this win.”
Before the game, the Titans are expected to in a very corny-fashion dance on the field while singing “We are the Titans/The mighty, mighty Titans.” After the game, win or lose, they can be expected to follow-up with the tradition of singing the popular Steam song “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye.” They will however be doing it in a more Bananarama version.
Remember, the Titans are a bad team so the Eagles should win today.