Eagles Defeat the Titans and Kill the Kraken


After feeling the wrath of the Green Bay Packers last week, the Philadelphia Eagles arrived at Lincoln Financial Field this morning ready to battle the Titans.

As predicted, the Eagles beat the Titans handily. What the team was not expecting, however, was Titans’ Head Coach Zeus ordering Offensive Coordinator Poseidon to release the last of the Titans in the fourth quarter, the Kraken.

“It was a Bush League move,” said Eagles’ linebacker Connor Barwin. “They were trailing and still felt the need to release the Kraken on us. There was no dignity in this move.”

The Kraken, a 30-foot 6-inches tall monster from Texas A&M, had seen very little playing time for the Titans this season. A weapon at the running back position used only as a last resort, it did seem a bit odd to see him take the field in a game that was already out of hand.

On the first play when the Kraken entered the game he devoured Casey Matthews. Thankfully, no one on the Eagles really seemed to mind. The next play resulted in a 79-yard touchdown run and a 30-minute delay to fix up the field which had been torn up. Fortunately for the Eagles, defensive tackle Perseus was able to get to the Kraken in the back field on the next possession. Then, with the aid of Troy Polamalu’s decapitated head, he was able to turn the Kraken to stone and stop the rushing game.

In addition to killing the Kraken, LeSean McCoy had a big game rushing for over well over 100 yards. This can however be credited to playing against all of the stop-motion animated monsters on the Titans so don’t get too excited just yet.



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