The year 2014 will forever be remembered as the one where Derek Jeter received more hypothetical blow jobs than anyone in history. The legendary New York Yankees shortstop will undoubtedly go down as one of baseballs most important figures and everyone is looking to honor him.
While Jeter fans cry for Major League Baseball to retire his number two (not his poop), the Ku Klux Klan are more focused on retiring Jeter’s face and all other people of mixed races.
“Baseball is as American as it gets,” said the KKK’s Grand Wizard, oblivious to the fact that probably close to 20% of big leaguers were born elsewhere. “The Klan and I thought there was no better way to honor Jeter than to retire all people of mixed races. Anyone can retire a number. It takes a real bigots to retire a race.”
A true testament to how far they have come as an organization, the KKK wanting anything to do with Jeter is a surprise. This is the same group that denies the existence of the 1992 Dream Team with the exception of John Stockton and Larry Bird. They are so anti-anything colored, they only eat the plain pieces in Lucky Charms.
Jeter has yet to comment on the news, but even if he did it would probably have little personality or controversy.