Who doesn’t love a big fluffy mascot? Other than Nazis, no one!
Prioritizing what matters most this NBA season, the 76ers have finally come to a decision on a new mascot. After multiple fan votes, polls, and market research they have come to the conclusion that the best mascot for them is a giant L.
Ellie the L will be the first mascot for the 76ers since Hip Hop who was murdered during a performance at some underground rap show then made into stew. Ellie will be more fan-friendly (less black) and should bring in extra attendance numbers.
“I’m hoping with Ellie as our new mascot my pockets will be lined with extra dollars,” said Owner Joshua Harris. “I’ve already bought a pair of cargo pants with extra pockets to keep all of the extra cash we’ll be making!”
Not everyone is a fan of Ellie. The players feel Ellie is nothing more than a reminder to them that they are losers.
“If I wanted to be reminded of what a loser I am I would look at my career highlights,” said Jason Richardson.
Hoping that Ellie will become the most popular mascot in the NBA, the team has already spent more money marketing her than they have any of their players.
“We spent $4 million on the costume,” said Harris. “We could have probably picked up a legitimate player, but we’re thinking of the children. They want to see a mascot, not winning basketball.”