Flyers’ goaltender Steve Mason has finally addressed the root cause of his poor play this season: the bright lightning bugs that are infesting the Wachovia Center.
A promotion that seemed harmless, where fans are invited to release dozens of the bugs during the pre-game warm-up to connect closer with nature, has turned Mason’s season on its head. Not turning on its head is Mason himself to stop the puck as he has looked stiffer than an 8 inch cock in net.
“The problem doesn’t seem to be the pre-game ritual,” said Mason. “The problem is nobody ever kills these things after being released. You think those are fans showing up to pay $80 for seats in the back row? The upper deck is filled with lightning bugs and it’s hurting my eyes.”
The Flyers have already called in an exterminator to help Mason with his lightning bug woes. They should arrive today sometime between 10-3.
In the meantime, Mason will play goal with a pair of sunglasses. The Flyers insist this is not to make him look cooler, rather to help protect his overly sensitive eyes from not being able to do his job.