The Eagles announced today that quarterback Nick Foles will indeed be carrying a map with him on the field during the game against the Houston Texans. Foles, a man who has trouble differentiating between his right and his left and forwards and backwards, admitted earlier in the week that sometimes he forgets which direction he’s supposed to take the football.
“I’m really good at running backwards,” Foles said. “Sometimes I get a little too eager to show it off during the game. Then I get lost and totally forget which way we’re supposed to be going. I’m such a bonehead!”
The map, hand-drawn by Coach Chip Kelly himself, will include a football field drawn to scale along with one of those old-timey pirate-looking compasses in the bottom corner just in case Foles needs it.
To further ensure Foles goes in the correct direction, this week at practice the Eagles used tire spikes behind the line of scrimmage. Each time Foles would drop back too far he’d receive a nice cut on his ankles.
“He’s a fast learner,” said Kelly. “He’s also having a lot of trouble walking. Maybe we should slow down these practices.”