The days of the Broad Street Bully mentality look to be over in Philadelphia. The Flyers are near the bottom of the league in penalties and by their record, appear to have replaced this thuggish attitude by becoming the doormat of the NHL.
“Nobody on this team is really all that tough,” admitted Captain Claude Giroux. “At practice once we tried to watch the first Paranormal Activity movie. We couldn’t make it through the first 30 minutes because it was so scary. Sean Couturier peed his pants.”
Not completely turning puss, the team still does have a bit of an edge.
“I told my girlfriend that I didn’t want to have Christmas with her family,” said defenseman Michael Del Zotto. “It was a huge move for me. I stood up for myself. She beat me up after, but I’m on my way to becoming a tough guy.”
The lack of penalties committed by the Flyers has been great however Coach Craig Berube would like to toughen them up a little bit more. To do this, he has taken away all Wet Wipes from the locker room and will limit his players to posting a maximum of one picture of their food on Instagram per day. Players will also no longer be allowed to wear pink and the team’s water cooler will be replaced with moonshine.