Sam Hinkie Takes Over Handling US Ebola Cases – “Will Fix This in 3-5 Years”

sam hinkie ebola

Like the Beatles did in the 1960s, Ebola has taken America by storm–or cough or bloody semen in bowling balls. However it’s spread, Ebola is here and not going away anytime soon.

The handling of infected patients has been notably horrendous as those with the disease decided the perfect time for traveling around the country was after spending months in the one part of the world where you will probably get the deadly virus.

President Barack Obama has called in the only man he knows of willing to take on a project this terrifying: General Manager of the 76ers Sam Hinkie.

Hinkie became the worst team in the NBA’s GM last year and immediately made his mark. Hinkie hopes to use these same strategies in handling Ebola.

The first move Hinkie made was trading Dr. Craig Spencer, a doctor infected by Ebola, back to Western Africa. In return, the US will receive a second round pick.

Additionally, Hinkie decided to bench Nina Pham and send her away to be quarantined for another week despite showing no signs of having the virus. Pham could contribute a lot to the cause, having been infected, however Hinkie knows this is a problem that cannot be solved for another 3-5 years.

“We are looking big picture here,” said Hinkie in a brief interview he conducted with CNN. “The United States is in a rebuilding process. I don’t see us contending this year. We are looking to build a new culture.”

President Obama refused to admit the US is tanking in order to decrease its population and receive a higher pick in next year’s draft. However with Hinkie in charge, we all know what the real deal is.


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