Entire Flyers’ Ice Guys Crew Murdered

Washington Capitols v Philadelphia Flyers

As a sign of respect for women, the Flyers decided to get rid of their scantily clad female Ice Girls and replace them with men dressed in less revealing clothing. The response to this change was overwhelming negative and has led to brutal murders of each of the Ice Guys.

“I didn’t come to a hockey game to see some ferry prance around and clean up the ice,” said one drunken Flyers fan–not that the adjective “drunk” narrows it down any. “I came to this game to make my son a man. That starts by seein’ dames clean up after the men.”

Since employing women who happen to be attractive and are willingly taking on the job which could probably lead to a modeling career is incredibly offensive, the Flyers are currently seeking a more neutral and unoffensive demographic to clean the ice. They are currently working on cloning comedian Brian Regan because everyone enjoys him at least a little bit.

Most upset about the death of the Ice Guys is captain Claude Giroux. According to Giroux, the team had “grabbed onto a good idea and had it stolen away in a pinch.”

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