One of the best players for the Eagles so far in 2014 has been Darren Sproles. The 5’6 running back/wide receiver/guy who grabs the football and runs the shit out of it was accidentally caught in an ant trap earlier today.
Firefighters, police officers, and a few other occupations normally seen at gay strip clubs showed up to help remove Sproles from the trap.
According to eyewitnesses, Sproles was tricked into entering the ant trap by a very alluring poison inside. Sproles had planned to bring the poison back to his family where it would kill them all, but he was unable to get back out again. Of course, Sproles thought this was just food and not something capable of killing his entire nest.
Sproles was successfully removed from the ant trap with little injury. He admitted he felt a little stiff and should be available on Sunday against the San Francisco 49ers.