Eagles Replace Injured Center Jason Kelce with Center Square Whoopi Goldberg


Eagles center Jason Kelce will undergo surgery on his hernia which will apparently sideline him for two months. In search of a replacement, the team has turned to former center square Whoopi Goldberg.

Goldberg, known best for her classic films like the one where a sassy black woman becomes a nun, a sassy black woman coaches the New York Knicks, and a sassy black woman befriends a dinosaur, has little experience on the football field. However after seeing her performance on Hollywood Squares, as the center square, General Manager Howie Roseman saw no better replacement available.

“Her quips are amazing,” said Roseman regarding the move to sign Goldberg. “You never know if she’s giving a serious answer or reading from the card labeled ‘jokes.’ Plus she’s a Jew and we stick together.”

Goldberg is expected to start at center on Sunday when the Eagles take on the San Francisco 49ers. Unfortunately for fans of her films–wait nobody likes those movies. Forget it.


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