Eagles Outscore Washington Redskins – This Means a Win

Jordan Matthews

If Washington thought the Trail of Tears was a political disaster, wait until tomorrow morning when fans of the hometown Washington Redskins arrive to work whining about the game.

Going to battle with the Philadelphia Eagles today, the Redskins lost a tight game 37-34. In fact if it was so tight, petite amateur porn star Cherry Poppins is set to star in a parody adult film about today’s game. As is her trademark, she will play a sexy nanny who wants an umbrella stuck up her butt.

More importantly, the Native American community around the country is heartbroken. Prideful people loyal to the Redskins name and not bothered by it at all, the indigenous people of the United States are in mourning; probably because the Eagles littered the field with points.

“We thought win was imminent,” said Chief Can Blow Himself. “Kirk Cousins best backup in league. DeSean Jackson something to prove against former team. The mighty Eagle soared higher and we lost…again. Should really fight dirty in future like white man.”

The win for the Eagles pushed them to 3-0 on the season. It was possibly the most exciting too and included everything. From sideline brawls to exciting plays to Joe Buck mentioning how he’d love to poop in the Liberty Bell, today’s game was an instant classic for the next week until we forget all about it.

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