In the words of Buster Poindexter, the Flyers are “Hot! Hot! Hot!” In the words of David Johansen, the real-life name of Buster Poindexter, “That song is the bane of my existence.”
Ever since their poor start to this NHL season, the Flyers have played as well as any. The playoffs are almost guaranteed and to honor the team, Maxim Magazine has placed them on their annual Hot 100 List.
The Flyers will be at number 73. At 74 is a Colombian model who will be killed in an obscure car crash in 5 years and at number 72 is someone who used to have a show on the Disney Channel who you now feel guilty about wanting to have sex with.
Teenage boys all over the country have purchased the magazine and are terribly confused as to whether or not jerking off to a professional hockey team is okay or not.
“I don’t see anything wrong with it,” said 17-year-old Nicholas Cooke who has sexual fantasies about his biological mother. “If Maxim tells me they’re hot then they are jerk-worthy!”
Cooke, whose hands are so scaly from all of the Maxim Magazine reading he does with his bedroom door locked, is only one of many young men across the country getting on the bandwagon of making love to their hands while thinking about the Flyers.
Tonight they take on the Los Angeles Kings. Another victory and they could look at the chance to be the next Bond Girl. If you saw the last one, you will like their odds.